20OCT08 - Manhattan, NY (Central Park Hostel, W 103rd & Central Park)
I used to take offense to the things people here in 'Merica would say about hostels; this was, of course, before I stayed in one.
My opinion of hostels prior to this trip was entirely based on my experieces traveling in New Zealand. There, they are clean, comfortable and host normal human beings. Here, none of those descriptions apply. We have seen many behaviors, customs and rituals in many states during our 6 weeks on the road, but nothing as unsettling as the things we've witnessed during our stays at only two hostels. The first was in Albuquerque, New Mexico and, now, here in NY, NY.
It's a special situaion when a large, older-than-middle-aged man who looks like a cross between Morpheus (Lawernce Fishburne's character in The Matrix) and Bernie Mac wakes you up with his open palm pushing on your bare back in the middle of the night, accusing you of sleeping in HIS bed. (keep in mind this is an 8 bed, dorm style room). And what's special about it is a couple of things...
First, serving in the ARMY prepares you for many life situations. For example, being awakened at illogical hours of the night for seemingly pointless tasks. The kind of tasks that make absolutely no sense but you know, or least want to believe, that there is a method to the madness and a rhyme to the reason so not responding to demands is out of the question. So I did not argue to this man's demand of me getting off from the top bunk of a room full of empty beds. (yeah, the top bunk. who chooses to sleep on the top bunk? I only had to because Heather wanted to be able to see me just in case she woke up in the middle of the night and the only bunk she would sleep in was positioned in such a way that just in case a newcomer came into the room in the middle of the night, the light from the hallway would not shine onto her eyelids.)
Secondly, I swear the bed was perfectly made and not occupied when I climbed gently into it. Of course my descretion at the time was obscured by the other two people tucked away into the bottom beds of the side by side bunks we chose earlier in the evening when we arrived. As soon as we checked in earlier in the day, we threw our stuff in the room and hustled out and into the city; time was valuable because we only had 48 hours to see as much of Manhattan as we could. But when we came back to the room at 11:30 p.m., the room wreaked of vomit and three small garbage cans were lined up and centered between the side by sides. The only possible culprits of the stench was the only other two bodies occupying the room. So in accordance to my General Akward Social Situation Policy, I acted like I do when I am uncomfortable; polite and considerate. Unfortunetly karma, evidently, was not instant and did not give a shit about me!!!
That was how my day started today. Heather could not have been any less bothered during the altercation and would have had no idea what I had experienced during the night except that, while waking up comfy, cozy and well rested, she heard the older-than-middle-aged man confessing his sympathy for me to another guy while they were getting ready for the day...
Internet access has been scarce and we have not had many opprotunities to update our original blog at travelblog.net. This may be for the better because that web site was a little confusing to navigate and was not fun to write in. This one (dossuperflys@blogspot.com) will be how Heather and I will describe our journey from here on out and hope you'll use it to keep up with us. The only thing we have yet to figure out is how to upload images so our observations will be a little more descriptive.
So far, we have learned many things about 'Merica. We have zig zaged our way across 6,000 miles of this great nation. We have seen a fair amount, nowhere near everything for sure, but enough to know for a fact and without a doubt that no place else in this union is like Oregon. It is a unique, unknown part of our country that we hope will never be like the rest of it's ugly, fat, ignorant, arrogant and superficial cousins. Fortunetly for us, nobody else knows and seems to want to know where Oregon is!
The trip so far has been nothing less than awesome. Every 4-5 days the trip feels brand new and something else crazy happens. Yesterday, we drove into Manhattan at 6:45 am. We figured it would be the absolute best time to return a rental car in downtown NYC. (We sold "Pablo", our '92 Subaru, to a hip, young jewish couple originally from Boston, MA who recently relocated to Tampa for it's warm weather while we stayed at the incredible Barrs' family retreat at Indian Rocks Beach, FL.) And, we were correct. This city does sleep afterall... but not for long! The streets were packed so outrageously by 11 am that it was exhausting to get through the mob for the rest of the afternoon. I was kind of very nervous about coming to NYC because of all the hype a person always hears about it but in all honesty, it is not at all intimidating or scary. (this is of course if you don't mind being shoulder to shoulder with strangers at all times of day! I fully expect to wake up with a stranger in my room who was not there when I went to sleep! [and that, incedently, did happen!])
As for the rest of our trip, we can only offer these brief descriptions of each state. They serve only minimal justice to each and represent a bias, liberal perspective. YOU ARE FOREWARNED:
CALIFORNIA is an abused state; It is a land mass far too large to be managed by it's ridiculous boundaries, Death Valley IS fucking hot (yes the F word; no other word in the english language properly describes the feeling of your skin wanting to turn inside out because the other side has got to be cooler than sun on skin), gas is $5.00 per gallon in its eastern parts and ABSOLUTELY DO NOT LEAVE FOOD OUT IN THE CAMP SITE WHEN CAMPING IN YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (A large black bear will tear the crap out of your car and your pride as a man.)
I used to take offense to the things people here in 'Merica would say about hostels; this was, of course, before I stayed in one.
My opinion of hostels prior to this trip was entirely based on my experieces traveling in New Zealand. There, they are clean, comfortable and host normal human beings. Here, none of those descriptions apply. We have seen many behaviors, customs and rituals in many states during our 6 weeks on the road, but nothing as unsettling as the things we've witnessed during our stays at only two hostels. The first was in Albuquerque, New Mexico and, now, here in NY, NY.
It's a special situaion when a large, older-than-middle-aged man who looks like a cross between Morpheus (Lawernce Fishburne's character in The Matrix) and Bernie Mac wakes you up with his open palm pushing on your bare back in the middle of the night, accusing you of sleeping in HIS bed. (keep in mind this is an 8 bed, dorm style room). And what's special about it is a couple of things...
First, serving in the ARMY prepares you for many life situations. For example, being awakened at illogical hours of the night for seemingly pointless tasks. The kind of tasks that make absolutely no sense but you know, or least want to believe, that there is a method to the madness and a rhyme to the reason so not responding to demands is out of the question. So I did not argue to this man's demand of me getting off from the top bunk of a room full of empty beds. (yeah, the top bunk. who chooses to sleep on the top bunk? I only had to because Heather wanted to be able to see me just in case she woke up in the middle of the night and the only bunk she would sleep in was positioned in such a way that just in case a newcomer came into the room in the middle of the night, the light from the hallway would not shine onto her eyelids.)
Secondly, I swear the bed was perfectly made and not occupied when I climbed gently into it. Of course my descretion at the time was obscured by the other two people tucked away into the bottom beds of the side by side bunks we chose earlier in the evening when we arrived. As soon as we checked in earlier in the day, we threw our stuff in the room and hustled out and into the city; time was valuable because we only had 48 hours to see as much of Manhattan as we could. But when we came back to the room at 11:30 p.m., the room wreaked of vomit and three small garbage cans were lined up and centered between the side by sides. The only possible culprits of the stench was the only other two bodies occupying the room. So in accordance to my General Akward Social Situation Policy, I acted like I do when I am uncomfortable; polite and considerate. Unfortunetly karma, evidently, was not instant and did not give a shit about me!!!
That was how my day started today. Heather could not have been any less bothered during the altercation and would have had no idea what I had experienced during the night except that, while waking up comfy, cozy and well rested, she heard the older-than-middle-aged man confessing his sympathy for me to another guy while they were getting ready for the day...
Internet access has been scarce and we have not had many opprotunities to update our original blog at travelblog.net. This may be for the better because that web site was a little confusing to navigate and was not fun to write in. This one (dossuperflys@blogspot.com) will be how Heather and I will describe our journey from here on out and hope you'll use it to keep up with us. The only thing we have yet to figure out is how to upload images so our observations will be a little more descriptive.
So far, we have learned many things about 'Merica. We have zig zaged our way across 6,000 miles of this great nation. We have seen a fair amount, nowhere near everything for sure, but enough to know for a fact and without a doubt that no place else in this union is like Oregon. It is a unique, unknown part of our country that we hope will never be like the rest of it's ugly, fat, ignorant, arrogant and superficial cousins. Fortunetly for us, nobody else knows and seems to want to know where Oregon is!
The trip so far has been nothing less than awesome. Every 4-5 days the trip feels brand new and something else crazy happens. Yesterday, we drove into Manhattan at 6:45 am. We figured it would be the absolute best time to return a rental car in downtown NYC. (We sold "Pablo", our '92 Subaru, to a hip, young jewish couple originally from Boston, MA who recently relocated to Tampa for it's warm weather while we stayed at the incredible Barrs' family retreat at Indian Rocks Beach, FL.) And, we were correct. This city does sleep afterall... but not for long! The streets were packed so outrageously by 11 am that it was exhausting to get through the mob for the rest of the afternoon. I was kind of very nervous about coming to NYC because of all the hype a person always hears about it but in all honesty, it is not at all intimidating or scary. (this is of course if you don't mind being shoulder to shoulder with strangers at all times of day! I fully expect to wake up with a stranger in my room who was not there when I went to sleep! [and that, incedently, did happen!])
As for the rest of our trip, we can only offer these brief descriptions of each state. They serve only minimal justice to each and represent a bias, liberal perspective. YOU ARE FOREWARNED:
CALIFORNIA is an abused state; It is a land mass far too large to be managed by it's ridiculous boundaries, Death Valley IS fucking hot (yes the F word; no other word in the english language properly describes the feeling of your skin wanting to turn inside out because the other side has got to be cooler than sun on skin), gas is $5.00 per gallon in its eastern parts and ABSOLUTELY DO NOT LEAVE FOOD OUT IN THE CAMP SITE WHEN CAMPING IN YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (A large black bear will tear the crap out of your car and your pride as a man.)
ARIZONA is a dusty hot shit hole and it's people are brain damaged from over exposure to extreme heat.
NEW MEXICO is all that you would expect from Arizona but actually cool. UNM is my short list of possible grad schools. Do not stay in the Route 66 Hostel because... see the email I wrote to my father below:
Dad, 9-16-08 (Route 66 Hostel, Alburquerque, NM)
We just wanted to drop you a line to let you know we're puttin' on down route 66! Last night we stayed in Albuquerque NM. The last couple of days have been kind of strange, but I guess I should have expected no less here in the southwest. It's like the sun has bleeched the good sense out of people's brains.
Last night we stayed in a hostel for $35 for the pair of us. It was real nice and quaint at first, but that was before I noticed that all the buildings around us had bars and there was broken vehicle glass next to every curb!!! I woke up at 2 am to the sounds of multiple police sirens and got dressed. I went down stairs to unload everything else from our car. It's a special feeling when you find yourself stacking all of your worldly possessions onto the reminants of somebody else's windsheild shattered on the sidewalk; that was the moment I realized that we have brought too much stuff.
This morning, the transiant miscriants who stayed there last night (in seperate rooms) were blabbing, yelling and screaching all sorts of non-sense hysteric bullshit about "poor me, my family hates me" type stories. It was a scene out of One Flew Over the Cookos Nest. They looked normal by all accounts, but holy shit! We paid for the free breakfast not with money but with 20 minutes of our sane minds!
So later today, we are going to downsize all of our stuff. It's like the stuff we own is owning us. That and/or we shouldn't stay in shit-hole cities!!! Needless to say, we are pushing north east, around any hurricane updrafts (i.e. IKE), up to Northern Midwest. We have some friends whose families own cabins in Northern Minnesota and so we're gonna stay up there for a week or two.
Right now we are WAY across town at the University of New Mexico using the free internet. This is the first time we have had a chance to use it. We have either been camping or driving so far.
I'm happy to hear from you. We are doing good and being nice to eachother.
We love you,
M&H
TEXAS is flat, fat and full of bull shit. (literally)
OKLAHOMA is easily the 4th best state in our union. I haven't been to Alaska, Hawaii doesn't count and Tennesse is still on our schedule, but seriously it was a very pleasant suprise. Tulsa did remind me of Portland and every single person I had contact with in OK was very, very nice. I never thought I would say it, but UO is my short list for possible grad schools.
MISSOURI is, with out a doubt, the rectum of this great nation. Between you and us for comparison - it is a very large Gresham. I am not kidding. The people are horrid, every single body of water that appears to be natural is poop brown and all of the presidential campaign information says that Obama is an organized terrorist. (that's no unjust, irrational and ridiculous lie - you make sense of it!?)
ILLINOIS is pleasant but not much about it - except for Chicago and Peoria. Chicago is ABSOLUTELY IMMENSE and Peoria is the number one piece of crap in America.
IOWA is backward: Gigantic billboard proclaiming "LIFE STARTS WITH A HEARTBEAT!" yet you will indefinitely be shot for stepping onto a corn field lined with signs that say Biogenetics.
MINNESOTA is a dissapointment; It takes for ever to get anywhere cool and the state only sells 3.2 beer in grocery stores; what kind of bull shit is that? Who would ever bother themselves with drinking beer if it wasn't effective? (The answer is an illiterate Oregonian who got himself 8 down only to realise he was more sober than when he started the whole scene.)
WISCONSIN is #2 in best states. The food taste great everywhere, beer flows like the salmon of capastrono, the brats will bring you out of vegetraianism and strangers make you feel like family. GO PACKERS!
INDIANA, KENTUCKY, TENNESSE is a blur in our memories. After getting lured into a life of a first-home ownership, cuteness and comfort of staying with our very good friends, Tim and Eleanore in Madison, WI we pushed our way down to Florida. We had to make 1,200 miles in 36 hours. This was a difficult task after staying there for 2 weeks. We were irrationably sad when we drove away. I still cannot figure out if it was because their set-up was a vision of Heather's and My future or if Madison is really that cool of a place. None the less, we drove like possessed-crazy people.
By 5 PM we slowed down in Chicago, not by our chosing but only because we are the kind of idiots who choose to navigate that damned city during rush hour!
At 8:30 we were moving by Lafayette, IN (home town of my favortie second-favorite and deceased singer, Shannon Hoon.) Later, I called my best friend and brother , Dylan, while moving past Indianapolis, IN at 10 pm.
Just before the Kentucky border at midnight, Heather finally got a hold our own personal cupid, RaeJay Voorhies, who was staying, coincidently, in Nashville, TN for a work convention at the Gaylord Opryland Resort with an extra bed!!! Our next move after this revelation was purely natural; we hightailed it to the nearest free parking lot near this resort and hiked 1 mile into and around security at a little past 3 am. Our visit with Rae was brief and intense... for reasons later explained... it was very good to see her. She is easily the most phrenetic soul I have ever met and one of Heather's closest friends.
GEORGIA is, short of my experiences during Basic Training for ARMY in 2003, muggy. Pure and simply; the climate is muggy, the food is muggy and the people are muggy with only the better characterization of... wry.
FLORIDA is always warm and comfortable. This opinion is scewed by the fact that Carrington and Mr. Barrs III let us stay in the Barrs Family Resort just west of Tampa, Florida. Thier condo is quite nice. It is located between two towns immediately located on the coast of the Gulf of Mexico in Southern Florida. The town 4 miles to the north is Clearwater Beach where one goes to find thong bikinis, body builders and overpriced mixed drinks. The town to the south is Indian Rocks Beach where one goes to find locally caught crab, middle-aged divorcees and reasonably priced beers. Being in between these two places for any amount of time affords three possibilities. For me, only one seemed appropriate but was no less enjoyable...
NEW YORK is simply random and phrenetic. There are so many details I could relay here but time is of the essance. To it's end, the titles of each experience will have to tell the stories:
1. KID YELLING, SPITTING AND TOSSING REGULAR SNAPPLE ONTO HOT DOG VENDOR STAND CLAIMING, "I'M DIABETIC, YOU ASSHOLE!"
2. DOZENS OF TRADITIONAL JEWISH MEN HOLDING LEMONS AND SKINNY GREEN PLANTS ASKING ME IF I WAS JEWISH AND LOOKING DISSAPOINTED WHEN I SAID NO.
3. THE SPEED LIMIT IS AN OPEN FREE MARKET. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU DRIVING OR WALKING, YOU BEST MOVE WITH THE SPEED OF TRAFFIC.
MORE TO COME...
2 comments:
Hey Mike and Heather,
I cannot tell you how PLEASED I am that you had such kind words about Oklahoma. Having grown up in Tulsa, I believe it is the gem of the state and of the region. Come back anytime!
Katie McCollam
Why you gotta hate on MN like that? Hurts, man. And also I need to correct you regarding your comment on 3.2 beer. MN allows counties to decide what none liquor stores can sell in terms of beer content. So, basically if you buy from a liquor store or from any county that doesn't impose the 3.2 rule on grocery stores, you're drinkin the real stuff.
Glad you kids are having fun!
Nate
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